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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Where is the pause button when you need it?

So I thought I would give you a rundown of my day so far in case you are in need of a good laugh.

We are having another nasty weather day today, but it wasn't raining (yet) so I decide I am finally going to drain the splash pool that has been up for several days. Maddox and I venture out into the backyard with Macy and Runty following close behind. Maddox, who has turned into a girl today with all the drama he has given me, is following me around saying "shoe" every two seconds which means a piece of grass has touched his skin and he would like it promply removed. (I think I may need to invest in some knee high boots for this kid) I go to empty the pool and learn that a pool that has been left for several days during rainy weather makes the ground underneath smell exactly like that of an ELEPHANT STALL at the zoo. Oh my, it was terrible. We just happen to be having a very windy day, so you can't escape the smell no matter where you might try to hide. So I try to get the hose to wash some of the nastiness away, but the crazy catapiller sprinkler is stuck on the end. After giving myself blisters trying to get it off, I run to the other side of the house to get the other hose, turn it on, run back to the backyard, only to find out it is too short by 12 feet or so. Run back around, turn it off. Run in the house, find two clamps, attach them to the silly catapiller and long water hose, and finally free the "bug" as Maddox calls it. (With plenty of "help" from Maddox) I go to turn on the water and when I come back around the corner I see both dogs rolling in the elephant pit. Great. Just the thing I was trying so hard to avoid. So I spray them both down with water to get them out, and begin to spray the pit when Maddox comes up mortified again by the grass that has dared to touch his toe and he runs right into the middle of the pit. Awesome. Now he is really upset. So I spray his legs down, move him out of the way, finish spraying the pit and put the water hose down. As I am going to turn off the water my neighbor puts her dog out, which causes my psycho dogs to go crazy, so I run inside, get the bark collars, put them on each dog and proceed to the side of the house to turn off the water. Before I get there, Maddox begins to scream, I run around to see that he has picked up the hose and soaked himself. I think this is hilarious, he doesn't. So I go to turn off the water and he heads for the house. As I come back around, I see he is running inside with Runty, who smells like elephant poo, following behind. I try to catch Runty beore he makes it inside, but he is too fast. He crawls under the couch to try to get away. I crawl under, grab his belly, and because he is the most skittish dog I know, he yelps, which activates the bark collar, and we both get sprayed in the face with a healthy dose of lemon juice. Proceed to get the dog outside, shut the door, strip Maddox out of his wet clothes down to his diaper. He is still complaining about his feet, so I stick him in the sink and clean him off. Now, take a deep breath, let's have lunch. Usually I fix something simple for lunch, a sandwich, hot dog, chicken nuggets...etc. Well, today chicken chili sounded good and I thought it would make the day feel better. So I get it all going and have just put the chicken and onion in the pan to start cooking when Maddox comes around the corner saying "stinky" with poop on both hands and smeared all over his chest. Apparently he went fishing in his diaper to see just what was weighing him down and decided to paint himself with it. He is trying his hardest to grab me, I am doing my best dance around him trying to get to the stove to turn off the chicken. Turn it off, turn him around to grab the only parts not covered in poop, carry him up the stairs to his room. Wipe off his hands and chest, then put him on the changing table to change his diaper. In the middle of cleaning this area, I run out of wipes. Pick him up, run to the closet, get the wipes, back to the changing table. Finish cleaning him, then put him in the bath for good measure. He is not happy about this either. Finish the bath, get him dressed, gather up the bath toys and throw them in the dishwasher, just in case....
As we wait for the chicken to cook, I pour myself a dr. Pepper and call my Dad, who always appreciates a good story and can make me laugh about anything.
Finally, we sit down, eat lunch, then Maddox goes down for a nap! Yippee!
So, I guess instead of working in the garage during nap time like I had planned, I will be washing two smelly dogs and giving myself a second shower for the day. Best laid plans...right?

The scary part is it is only 1:30! Hope your day smells better than mine!

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Oh my goodness. It is amazing how small living things (be they people or dogs) can make even the simplest tasks comically complex. So many times, I just have to sit back and laugh. Granted, often it would be easier to cry out of frustration at the fact that my will is thwarted left and right, without relent...but the WAY it is thwarted is just too funny.

So, of course, even though I felt sorry for you, I had to laugh! Some days are just too much!

rebecca said...

Lol, I laughed out loud at the Runty barking and you both getting squirted with lemon juice thang. I hope the rest of your day was better!

Cortney said...

That cracks me up! Your email was so right...Disney princesses have nothing on your day. Wow.

And gross...did I say that? Ha-ha.

TincherFamily said...

Hey Tiff, you might not remember me but I knew ya on Saba. Was checking out another friends blog, saw y'alls gorgeous family! Hope that all is well, congrats on the new little one!

Jodi said...

Wow... that was a FABULOUS story! Bless your heart! Aren't you so excited to throw a baby into this bless-ed mix!?!?! :) Makes for a crazy life!